Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
