After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
