Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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