Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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