I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
