And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
