You're my little dorito
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
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