That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This is my gift to your gina
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize