Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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