Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
