they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
