i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
