My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
