Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
