MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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