Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize