I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
birth control should be required to get into college
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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