some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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