Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
