Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Someone came in the potted fern
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
