I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize