i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
