The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
