Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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