I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
