420 ftw
its not stalking. its research.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
