So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
