If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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