the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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