apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
