We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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