A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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