shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
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When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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