question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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