do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
