I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
