He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
