11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
