I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
