my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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