i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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