so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
