I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
