You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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