i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
