12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
