i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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