He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
