So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
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Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
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If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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