so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
