I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
