hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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