you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
