The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
