You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
