you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
