Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Are we still banned from the library?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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