Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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