i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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