My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
