the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
